Haircut
by HighFiveMe
Summary: You know something in the world is off when Renesmee Cullen is in your backyard, completely wasted.


**Another Leah/Nessie friendship fic. I think this is turning into a series. They're really fun to write. I have another one called "Little Leah" you could check out.**

You know something in the world is off when Renesmee Cullen is in your backyard, completely wasted.

"Nessie?" I call to the stumbling redhead, "Is that you?"

"Leah!" she calls, slurring my name, "Am I at your house?"

"Yeah," I say, "Are you drunk?"

"Just a tad," she says with a manic giggle, "Leah, what do you think about me cutting off my hair, like all of it?"

"Come in here before you do something stupid," I say, and she runs too fast to my back porch. She puts her hands out to steady herself.

"I thought you didn't get drunk," I said. It had to do with metabolism or something.

"I thought so too. Apparently I just wasn't drinking enough."

I snorted. "Why are you drunk?"

Tears filled up her eyes. "I broke up with Terry.' She sobbed.

"I'm sorry," I said, "Why'd you break up with him?"

"He kissed some slut out of Sequim!" she shrieked.

"That sucks," I said. She kept crying. Terry was important to her. Her family didn't get it, and Jacob was only slightly less confused. Her human boyfriend made her feel like a normal teenage girl. He was someone who only belonged to the human side of her. And as an added bonus, Edward didn't like him.

"Why do I feel so awful?" she asked.

"That's how it works," I answered matter-of-factly. I had gotten zero sympathy after Sam left me so I wasn't too likely to be giving it out. Mom and Dad felt my pain, but they knew about imprinting and couldn't hate Sam for it. My best friend was busy making out with him and having facial reconstruction surgery.

Okay, I know that sounds harsh. The pain will do that to you. I think a little heartbreak is healthy for everybody. It'll teach girls to be tough, to get back up. It helps girls build up an extremely important relationship with ice cream and sad movies. Most of all, it will teach them to watch out for themselves.

My philosophy about heartbreak is a contributing fact to my disdain for Nessie's Mom as I now singularly refer to her as. She curled up into a hibernation period until he came back. It's lucky for her that he did. I tried that, but eventually I had to accept that my he never would.

"When does it get better?" she asked.

"Well, the drinking's working for now, but that'll probably wear off in a few minutes. A tub of ice cream should hold you over for much longer. Or a deer carcass. I don't know how you work."

Nessie stepped back into the rain and threw up. I was laughing. Bella and Edward have no idea what the real Nessie looks like. The real Nessie is messy.

"Please don't talk about animal carcasses," she croaked, "Not even the thought of hunting mixes well with the booze. You know I don't eat deer at all anyway. That's Bambi's mom."

I laughed harder. I'm going to need new material soon because the vampire cracks aren't so accurate. Nessie's been trying to quit the blood. She's been spending so much time around the humans that she's seeing the hunting with a human's mind.

"Do you want a ride home?" I asked.

Nessie's eyes widened and she exploded. "Please Leah, don't make me go home. My whole family will smell the booze on me, and I'll be in so much trouble. My parents will literally never forget it, and I don't want to explain why I did it and have them be like 'Awh' even though they're all thinking 'Of course it didn't work out.' They're just so annoying every time I screw up! It's because they're all just perfect, and they expect me to be perfect! It's because none of them know how it feels to be human and make mistakes. They can pretend all they want that they do, but they _don't_!" Her eyes were crazed, and her voice was shrill. I had never seen Renesmee bash her family. It was kind of fascinating watching her snap.

"Whoa!" I said. I was quite taken aback. I had no idea she felt that way, "Fine, stay here. I won't rat you out."

She gave me a suffocating hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Leah. You're the best friend a person could ask for." I could smell the vomit and beer on her breath. I pried her body from mine.

"Because covering up for you when you're wasted is a qualification for best friendship," I said, "Where'd you get the drink anyway?"

"Kyle," she said. All I thought was "random" when those two became best friends. Jake brought Nessie round to a bonfire when she was entering teenager-hood. He was one of the wolves we gained when the Volturi came. He had been her physical age and like all boys, he thought she was the most gorgeous thing on the planet. He couldn't help it. Fortunate for him that Jake couldn't read his mind. The fear and the knowledge that it would never work killed that crush pretty quickly. They remained best friends though. Edward also hated him because he had access to copious amounts of beer.

"I should've guessed," I muttered, "How do you feel now?"

"Better physically," she said, "But still sad." Oh boy, here come the waterworks again.

"I didn't know you liked Terry that much."

"He was my first boyfriend. I liked being able to choose who I wanted to be with. Dating him was fun, and there was no pressure. It's not like mating which is all about eternal devotion," she said. Her voice was still shaky.

"I can see where that creates pressure."

"Don't get me wrong. I know in the end, it's most definitely going to be Jacob. I'm fine with that. I really do love him and know one day I'll be able to see him as a lover, but I don't want to be telling my grandchildren 'Well Pop was looking around the room saw me and from there we were pretty much tied for life.' I want to live a little!"

"That's could be a challenge seeing how you descend from the walking dead."

"I think that's zombies," she sniffed.

"I'm losing my touch. You're more human than leech anyway."

"You really mean that?" she asked with her eyes all shiny and bright from the tears.

"Sure. Do you want me to call Jake?"

"Yes, please. I need some imprint spoiling. Just don't let him kill Terry."

"Why?"

"I may have already broken his face when I slapped him."

I laughed. I'd like to point out that the Cullens would have scolded her instead. Just saying. I called Jake, and he came over to comfort her and make it all better. Nessie still thinks of him as her best friend. He's cool with that ultimate friendzone. I know he wouldn't dare think of her that way, but I'll be honest, Nessie is hot. It must annoy my leader on some level that she isn't interested in him yet or that she's bothering with some "super cool guy she met in Chem. class."

Jacob asks her to call her parents, and she explains to her very confused Bella that she "simply felt like visiting her old pal Leah." She didn't tell her about Terry because she didn't want to extract any pity or "aw honey's" from her mother. I loaned her some shorts and a t-shirt and politely ignored the fact that she made my ratty clothes look good while when I wore them, I just looked…ratty. It was hard being friends with someone beautiful. She thought it had been bad with Emily.

Nessie told Jacob about the slap. He pretended to disapprove, but we saw how proud he was.

"Face it, Jacob. Your angel has fallen," I said. I took another spoon of Rocky Road and passed the tub to Nessie, "She showed up here wasted, telling me about how she was thinking about chopping all her hair off."

"I still want to do that," Nessie admitted quietly.

"Why?" Jacob asked, disappointed.

"I don't know. New hair, new me. I've worn it long forever. And if I didn't like it, it would be long again in a month anyway."

"I think it's a great idea," I said. If Bella had her way, Nessie would never cut it. She'd be like Rapunzel. And then her parents would lock her in a tower too.

"I like short curls. I'd look like a flapper girl," Nessie said, "Or Shirley Temple."

"Is that a good thing?" Jacob asked uneasily.

"Okay, Ness, sleep on it. If it's still a good idea in the morning, cut it."

She didn't wait, of course. She never listens. We were up at one in the morning, and she convinced me to do it. I was a pro after seven years of cutting my own. Her curls now stopped at her chin. I thought she looked extremely cute. Bella re-died when Jake brought her home. For once, I went inside the leech's smelly house. I wanted to see her face so bad. Nessie smiled at everyone and skipped up the stairs. Bella immediately pounced on my most high Alpha. Jacob had to carry my body, racked by laughter, out the door.

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